My Cancer Journey - Week 10

This is hard.  It’s week 10 in my cancer journey and I am in such a precarious position.  Terrie is managing to get more than 2000 calories a day into me with her calorie cocktails, but if anything happens along the way, there is no recovering.  In the past several days, I have missed one of my drinks due to throwing up because of the mucous in my throat.  Those calories are gone.  I am weak and still unable to talk although there are signs of change. My voice is no longer just a squeak.  I am trying to get as much water into me as I can.  Yet, try is often not enough.  Things seem to be different nearly every day.  I feel pretty good, except for the mucous.  The saliva goo is better than it was but with me constantly.  I don’t need painkillers so haven’t had to take morphine in days.  My throat is actually ok.  Continuous sleep remains a luxury with all the spitting.  Terrie is stressed and worried and I am no help to her.  She sees what she sees and feels what she feels.  I have clearly lost more weight but don’t have a clue how much.  That’s a concern.  I am told by my friends who have been through this hell that I am a couple of weeks away from dabbling with solid food.  If the mucous thing would subside I’d be a happier person.   Still, I choose to be an optimist.   I choose to believe that a significant breakthrough is near.  I don’t know how anyone can get through this without support.  Terrie has been phenomenal.